We have adopted a mallard pair that now spends most of their time on our patio. The kids named them George Washington and Zelda. They are so sweet, and sleep in our shrubs and eat the bird food I have thrown out. But man, George can sure crap like an over-sized Chihuahua! Never thought I would be picking up my pet duck’s poop. Sheesh.

I think my face is sunburned.

I really need one of those extender-grabber-picker-upper-elongated-jaws-that-grab-stuff-thingies. I think that about half of my house is behind the washer and dryer, and I want it back.

I am about to take my elliptical training to the next level. I just want to know though, why I can burn 500 calories in a session and not see any change, yet eat Thanksgiving Dinner and immediately no longer fit in the pants I put on before I sat down. Why?

I scared all the parents at soccer, and probably ruined someone’s video. I didn’t mean to…

Ok yeah, my face is definitely sunburned.

I am going to have TWO great giveaways coming up VERY soon! Please enter, ok?

I have this strange need to watch Kung Pow! again soon…weeoo weeoo!

I think I might take too many quizzes on FB. So far I have learned that I am an over-dependent, red-headed Spanish-Korean, who wants to be Kim Kardashian, but instead I am a Fed-Up Princess Vampire named Putrid Shadow. I have the medical knowledge of a Consultant. I am a GENIUS, or at least as smart as a 5th grader, and I should have majored in Political Science or Business, even though my life’s theme movie is, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. My love language is Time and Attention, and if I don’t get it I turn into a Volcano! By the way, I am a Bible Scholar, and I am so “airy” I should live in Nebraska. My eyes tell people that I am in love, I am the color Cornflower, and my natural eye color should be Yellow. I think that means I am a Smurf (Cheap Smurf actually), even thought I am REALLY Bugs Bunny dressed as Ariel. Wait…no…I am really a Pirate, and my name is Captian Soggy Beard of the pirate ship Rusty Bottom, and during the day people refer to me as the Hobbit Dudo Twofoot. Interestingly enough, the last few quizzes I took said I was normal and extremely honest and a GRAMMER MASTER, but really I’m more of a Jedi Master, Obi Wan Kenobi to be exact. In case you find my insanity addicting, I can be rented out for Easter parties, look me up under the name Nibbles Fluffypaws. In a pinch, I can also be Batman or Jason Bourne if bunnies aren’t your style. If zombies attack during the party, know that I will be the most likely person to survive , because I am also a DRAGON and I am supposed to die at the ripe old age of 110 when I am killed by Godzilla, not by zombies.

I think I am just gonna stop right here.

I was attacked by baby penguins this week. Oh yeah, you all will be hearing much, MUCH more about this very, VERY soon!!

I found these new Omega 3 Flax Seed cookies. And I am eating them.

Wasn’t that amazing?

Do you ever see your childrens’ toy on the floor, and think it’s a bug crawling around? Then, do you ever see a bug and think it’s a toy? I don’t like these moments.

I think I might possibly have an addiction to fried chicken. And Oreos. That’s why I stuff myself with Flax Seed cookies.

My 8-year-old is begging me to let him drink coffee. Like a good mom I said no way! Then I remembered I was drinking a cup of joe every morning at age 9. For real.

Man I love coffee.

My daughter took a toilet paper roll, drew a face on it, named it Harry, said it was her son, and then she put it in “time out” with some other sorts of scary punishments I haven’t even HEARD of before! Should I be scared?

Could someone please tell me why, when I am using the elliptical like a madwoman and eating better, I have gained a pound instead of lost?

I just said addicted…doesn’t mean I am eating it…

I found a wood cockroach in the house. It was almost dead. Lovely…just as ugly, not as dirty, a little more crunchy, and nutty, in flavor…

We had to plug in our converter box this week and somehow lost PBS. I had PMS and I totally went ballistic and was all, “we must have PBS ASAP or the kids will go AWOL! Make it work STAT!!” And, we got it to work! TGIF! Um…couldn’t think of any more acronyms…

I have a HUGE underground zit on my chin. Ahhh…brings me back to the “good ol’ days” when I had zits as a teenag…wait, I didn’t. Crazap. Stupid hormones.

Oh nice! ANOTHER zit! Right next to the underground monster one! Twins!

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My mind is like a steel trap. See? Nothing’s coming out.

If I Twittered
A few days ago my parents asked me if I twiggled. I laughed hysterically for about 10 minutes before I finally said, “maybe…but I think you mean twittered? In that case, no.”

And here is why, because my twitters would be something like this:

A can of mousse just fell in the toilet, while my son was peeing. I just pulled it out and washed it off.

For school I taught the kids about Song Sparrows, and Jacob cried because he had to write a report.

I banged my head against the wall.

My daughter burped the ABCs in full at lunch. Then she burped the little song that came after it.

Both kids took about 10 minutes to determine if Audrey had a booger on her face or a piece of carrot. It was determined to be a carrot after she ate it.

I left the laundry wet, in the washer overnight, again, so it is being washed, again.

I sneezed and burned my hand on the stove, again

I looked up some illness on the internet and freaked out.AGAIN !

I clipped my toenails.

I watched the videos, “Kittens Inspired by Kittens!” and “Star Wars Retold (by someone who hasn’t seen it)” a few times more because they are funny.

I thought about working out, and didn’t.

I ate some M&Ms.

I ran around the house and randomly cleaned things.

I got my new purse and it is SO COOL…now I must write that post about purses…

I checked FB and my blog 80 billion times already.

I played 3 Scrabble games, and lost.

I made dinner…don’tcha want to know what it was??

Took the girl to dance class. See how boring it gets?

I got the idea for this post. And now you have read it, and you are better for it.

So, I made it back to the gym and rocked the elliptical! While I was there Jack Waggoner was on that soap show, and I am pretty sure the cast of Twilight and Michael Jackson were on there too. Jack kept his shirt on. Whew!

I have an AWESOME giveaway coming up very soon! Wait for it, ’tis cool!!

I took the kids out to plant flowers. It was 40 degrees and sunny. I got sunburned. How does that happen in March you ask? Well, I am the color of…white.

I forgot how much more human I look after I finally pluck my eyebrows.

I am gonna dye my hair black again; it’s the only color that truly makes sense. So, instead of being a brunette or a redhead I shall be a blackhead. Hmmm…maybe I’ll need some biore pore strips too…

What’s the purpose of ear wax again?

The stinky squirrels dug up some of my flowers! I dusted everything with cayenne pepper but they came back…thems tough squirrels!

Have you stopped by wendiwinn’s giveaway yet and entered? Hurry up! Well, what are you waiting for, a blog-guided invitation?? Wait…

I have decided I must go to a John Mayer concert. Just has to happen…figure the easiest way to do this is to become famous, befriend Jen, and score some free tickets. Buying them is just too hard.

I am a PRO at baking air! If anyone wants some warm, yummy, baked air, call me.

See this awesome necklace?